Over the years one of the most common frustrations that our brides have, is listening to the opinions of her bridal party. When planning a wedding, almost everyone feels they have a right to throw in their two cents (even when they aren't literally throwing in any cents) and most think they are being "helpful". Message to those people: you're not being helpful and you're probably stressing the bride out. Stand aside, smile, and read on. Oh, and if you're that bride that doesn't want to hurt the feelings of others, and thus brings 97 people with her to the dress shop, this blog is also dedicated to you.
Recently, I have heard more and more complaints from brides (and even some of their grooms) about how their sister, mother, BFF, and every person wearing a dress in their party, is driving them nuts. They know this going into the planning process, and yet, they bring all of these people with them to 2 appointments: their wedding gown search and their bridesmaid gown search. Leave these people at home.
First and foremost, the dress shops hate entourages. You know why? They slow down the appointment, they take attention away from you, and they typically result in the bride leaving sans dress plus tears. I'm not saying that you need to dismiss what your loved ones think you should wear down the aisle, but I caution you that everyone (except for your planner....hi) has an ulterior motive. It could be as basic as your sister doesn't like that you always look hotter/thinner/sexier/younger/better than her in everything, and now a white gown will really emphasize that. Yes, that's right, jealousy plays a big part in dress selection and do not tell me otherwise. When shopping for your gown, keep your group small (under 3 people) and make sure they are people that know when to say something and when to shut up. If you say that you love the dress and they don't say that they love it too, you need them to exit stage left because that negativity will follow you for the rest of the planning process. Hear that bridesmaids? She loves it, then you love it. So easy.
Let's say though, that you're that bride that has the bestest friends ever in the whole wide world that only ever want the bestest for you. Do not bring all 19 of them with you to the appointment because as much as they might love you, unless they are stepford wives with the completely same wardrobe, they will never agree on *the* dress for you. What good does it do you to hear all of those different opinions? You know which opinion matters? Yours.
Of course, when picking out the bridal party wardrobe, it used to be that the bride would select a gown and then her maids would go get measured and that would be it. There's was no input and guess what...they still had to pay for the dress! When you accept to be in a bridal party you are accepting the price tag and obligations that go along with it. Note: that does not give the bride the right to nothing but $500 unflattering gown choices.
Now, however, brides are bringing their entire bridal party with them to try on dresses. This makes sense if you have all different body types and want to see what looks best on everyone. However, I will warn you about that friend that hates everything, and that friend that hates everything *except* the one dress that everyone else hates. You must be prepared to draw the line. Solution? Select a few dresses on your own or with your maid of honor by your side. Come back to the salon with only those dresses available to try on. Do not allow your maids to ransack the racks looking for something else. This is not only bad form and the store will be rightfully upset, but it's unnecessary.
With being a bride comes making decisions and standing firm. It's polite to listen to what others have to say, but you will always have to know when to put them on mute. If you don't, your planning process will be painful and you'll be showing future brides this blog after you're married.
And for the bridesmaids that are reading this: it's not your wedding. When you have your day, then fine. If you had your day already, then you should understand. But it's her day, and unless she looks like she could have her own episode on Bridezillas, then you need to show support and love....and smile like you mean it.
I hear a lot of event planners telling their clients, and just telling people in general, that the best way to save money on your event is to cut the videographer. To those planners, I say this: stop talking. Videography is essential to every single party in your life. It is not what you cut to save money (take a whack at your guest list first) and I'm going to tell you why.
First and foremost, a videographer/cinematographer can capture moments that the photographers simply can't capture. From those little moments that you miss because you can't be everywhere, to the way your dress moves as you walk down the aisle. Photography is great, but videography fills in the gaps that it misses.
I hear, all the time, "when am I ever going to watch this?" When? Awesome, I'm glad you asked. I don't know. But what I do know, if after that initial "watch it immediately and show it to everyone you love" the DVD will wind up on a shelf. There is no telling the next time that you will want to watch it. But here are some likely scenarios:
1. An anniversary where you want to relive those vows and first dance.
2. Time with a family member or a friend that wasn't able to make it, but wants to see the video.
3. When your kids want to see how silly mommy and daddy looked on their wedding that was "forever" ago.
4. On a snowy night when you don't want to leave the house but would prefer to cuddle up with your spouse.
5. A rough patch when you're at each other's throats and need to remember that love that you had and still have.
6. When you want to show off how fabulous everyone looked and what a great time everyone had.
7. Just because.
There is no replacing videography. It is not what you cut from your wedding wish list in order to save money. 300 guests isn't necessary, but videography is. And no, someone taking video with their iPhone isn't a substitute (save that for Friday night happy hour) for video...or for photos for that matter.
Don't believe us? Check out this amazing short clip that we worked on with Gabelli Studio. Then tell me that you don't want something just like it.
http://www.gabellicinema.com/
You're welcome.
One of the appointments that we accompany our clients to is the florist appointment. We see a lot of people struggle to convey their vision for flowers on the big day, so we act as the translator and offer up some ideas of our own. It's also important for us to be there because the florist will ask questions that our clients might not know the answer to. And hey, we love to play with flowers and get creative, so that's a bonus.
We work with some of the best florists in the world. Thankfully, we are in an area with florists are at the top of their game and there is a "right one" out there for every client. We believe in having a good energy vibe with all vendors, but especially with those that will be responsible for carrying out your vision. Recently, we got stuck by a thorn.
Sometimes our events take us into brand new areas, which means working with brand new people. In one recent case, that meant using a florist we have never worked with before. Scary, but that's how you meet new talent!
Getting a date on the calendar where we could be there at the same time as our clients and the florist, was no easy task. It took awhile but we finally came together on the date. The florist was very close to the venue, so for myself and for my clients, that meant a one way 1.5-2 hour drive. With our appointment booked for 12pm, we were set.
Except at 9:43am, I received an email (not a phone call, an email) from the florist saying that she would not be there, but someone else would be taking care of us.
That. Is. Unacceptable. Why? Because we have been working extensively with one person and it took forever and a year to get a date on the calendar that we all could agree to. But now, it's too late because I knew my clients were already on their way out there and I wasn't far behind.
I have a rule: if it doesn't bother my clients, it doesn't bother me. I probably will deal with it after the event or never work with that person again, but I can bite my tongue in the meantime.
We show up and needless to say, my clients are not happy. Their disappointment is not just from finding out that the person that committed to the appointment is not here, but that the person in her place had no idea what was going on and simply responded that she would have to ask the person we were supposed to meet with.
Well, then why are we even here?
In case you're wondering, there was no emergency keeping the florist away, she just made other plans. Seriously. That's what happened.
After we walked outside, my clients really expressed to me how unhappy they were and how they pretty much killed their day for nothing. They asked if I could work something out and of course, I was happy to.
Composing my thoughts in an email, I politely explained why this was disappointing and how a phone call would've been the way to go. I expected to get something, anything in return. An apology, an offer for a complimentary bouquet, whatever.
What I got, was this: "Clearly this location is too far for you, so maybe you should just select another florist."
Yes. That was the response.
The bottom line is this: If you say you're going to be at an appointment, you need to be at that appointment. If you're sending in your understudy, you need to pick up the phone with some advance notice. An email 15 minutes before we begin the journey is not acceptable. It's just not.
Needless to say, I found us another florist. With better pricing, better flowers and a better attitude.
There are some weeds out there. We're armed with weed killer.
Photo: Rockandrollbride.com
